Surgery

Well I am finally going to quit being sick! I had Gallbladder surgery on Monday the 19th. I am very sore right now when I use those tummy muscles. I never ralized how much I use those muscles until it hurts to use them, like to lay down, sit, standing up, coughing, sneezing, and even hicups those hurt bad. I was very nervous when I was waiting in the hospital to go back (to the point that my hands were very shakey) but I think it was ok concidering this was my first surgery. I got 4 little insitions on my stomach. I have nice good narcotics for the pain and I am so glad that I have them cause when it is time to take my next dose man do I hurt bad. When I got the medication to help me relax my mom video taped me cause I was bein a swedish chef and just funny to listen to. According to my mom my dad was laughing at my many times. The video is on facebook if you desire to watch it. I love you all and I pray that everyone has a wonderful christmas!! xoxo

Remembrance and Pride

I am just wanting to post my memories and also try and post something that might help a person who needs that extra little boost. First off I want to express my eternal graditute and love that I have for those who have sacrificed so much because 9/11/2001. I also would like to let all those brave men, women, children, broken hearted widows, mothers, uncles, aunts, and dads that I have a constant prayer in my heart for you to have safety and peace. I have pride in our troops and all those who stood up after that attack and said bring it.This is the video that represents my pride in what we are as America.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruNrdmjcNTc&feature=player_detailpage

Now to those who lost someone in this war and in the plane crashes I give you my favorite poem that has helped me though so many hard hard trials in my life that I honestly think that I could never get through and then I read this:

Foot Prints

-Carolyn Carty, 1963

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from His life. For each scene He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonging to Him and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of His life flashed before Him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of His life.

This really bothered Him and He questioned the LORD about it. LORD you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.

The LORD replied, my precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.

http://youtu.be/ctVI5baftFo



This is honestly my prayer to you that keep living! Don't give up, you loved one would not want you to completly shut down, they would want you to find the happiness in life, do thing that you enjoy and make you happy!! I know this is true cause I had to do the same thing when my dad went to Afganistan for 18 month. It felt like I had lost him and I had to find ways to make myseld happy and I worked and finding enjoy in the small and simple things in life.

I will alway remeber those who have passed for my freedom even though 99.9% of them will never meet me so that I can thank them for their strength and bravery and love.

Thank God for God!

So right now I am at a point in my life that if I didn't have the gospel I would completely and udderly be imploding with stress. I know though that I have some wonderful people on my side that are alway root rooting for my team and they are my lord, savior, and brother Jesus Christ; the comfort and constant guidence with the Holy Ghost; and then my almighty, loving, and forgiving Heavenly Father. Without my knowledge of their being and the glory and freedom of their gospel I would be completely lost in why thing are happening in my life right now. I love my saviour and I know I wouldn't be who I am today if I haden't discovered the amazing comfort and knowledge that comes with the teachings of the gospel. I wish I could give everyone in the world the knowledg I have because then they would be able to feel the joy I have in knowing that I can always be forgiven if I have true intentions on change and the comfort and love I feel from knowing that when a loved one passes away that it is not the end, that I or they will be able to see them again in the afterlife. I mean just that alone make living though life just that much easier (for me at least). I also wish that everyone could feel what I feel and the knowledge that I get from reading and studying the scriptures, not just knowledge of the gospel but history of the earth and its people. I lov ethe gospel and it is my life and I am proud to say it. :D

Can I be sumwhat normal?

So tonight I am sitting here at my desk listen to the thunder and lightening outside and the rain pitter patter on the window and can I just say I love it! Ever since I was little these storms have been an adventure and such a comforter to me. I wish I had something better to complain about or even talk about but all I got right now is my embarresment of having a 9 month pregnant stomach and I am not even prego. I lost all that weight 50lbs!! and what do I get for it 3 months I had it all back plus Diabeties. It isn't fair. I want to have a reduction done but my mom keeps putting it off, so now I am just looking at how much it would cost to get my neck, chin, and hump on my back done or some of my stomach. I know none of this will happen anytime soon if at all but it doesn't hurt to look. Concidering I an so unhappy with myself right now I wont look and pictures taken of my and rarly I will even let a picture be taken of me. And you know it is said but no matter how many times friends and family say i look beautiful I just smile and nob cause I felt that way since the beginning of this year when I had lost 50+lbs but now I dont see how I can do this. I feel like I need something extreme or something...I dont know. Well you have probably heard enough sorry this has become my journal you might say.

Value of a Friend.

So today I was going to a homecoming with one of my good friends and she and I just talked about things that we both agreed aren't cool with the rap and hip-hop music lately. Like how all the song are either about having sex on the dance floor or having sex and getting totally hammered...so annoying. We both agreed that thats why we have been listening to country and alternative rock and insirational music more than the other stuff. I just want to point out that this girl that I was conversing with is a girl who I absolutely hated my junior year of high school but threw a series of events we are know SFE (sisters for eternity). I will do anything for this girl she is a friend that I consider a TRUE friend. I can always count on her to love me for me and not what I look like on the outside. I say this because I have had friends who stop really beenin my friend when I gain my weight or "dress up" for something they would get cutey for. Drea would never do that. For example today when I picked her up I had my hair in a pony tail the dress I was wearing made me look 8 months prego and no make up except a little mascara so that people could somewhat see my eyelashes, and she got in the car and right said that I look especially pretty today and that honestly just made it for me today considering I didn't even try. Well I never try any more cause I dont fit into more than half my clothes so swets and a tshirt is my wardrobe right now. Moral of the story everyone deserves at least one TRuE friend and I believe Drea is one I will hold on to! :)

Just need to write.

So I just have the feeling that I need to write to get it all out. I dont normally do this to bare with me I probably will be scatter brained :) But the passed couple weeks have been so stressful on me (not all of it is direct stress but you know I tend to worry about people till a stress about them...another quality of mine that is hard for me to get passed). One thing is that school is starting on the 24th and I am ubur excited but at the same time nervous as crap cause I am starting the Medical Assistant Program and I am scared that I will fail. Dont get me wrong I am going to be working my butt off to pass doing my 210% effort but it is still nerve recking. Also about a week ago I got the news that I have type 2 diabetes...yes I cried for the next few days because I dont want to be told this at 19 years old and end up like my uncle who relys so heavily on incilin and medication but it still isnt really controlled or like my aunt who knows she has it but wont do anything about it (I love both aunt and uncle so much dont get me wrong on that im just saying they are examples of how i dont want to be with my diabetic problem). It have been hard alway looking at carbs and sugar content, learning what types of carbs last longer and are use more efficiently by the body. Though I couldnt let this bog me down for the rest of my life so I started looking at the positives of becoming a diabetic and this is the list I have thoughtfully come up with:

1. I really know what I am eating instead of just eating.
2. I have new hope for weight loss.
3. I am eating 10x less then what I was.
4. I can say no to food.
5. I actually know what a real hunger pain feels like.
6. I can desifer when it is emotion, brain, or my stomach that is actually hungry.
7. I have a goal to look and strive for now.
8. This has been a tender mercy from god to let this disease come into my life because I had given up all hope for loosing the 50lbs again, but now I know I can do it and I will if I want to take no medication for it.
9. It helps my mom, dad, and thomas eat a little bit healthier also, if not give the oportunity more :)
10. It is making me stronger against food. I am able to say no and not feel like I am missing out...and thats the truth!! :)

So that is my lists so far :) and you know if anyone has any good reciepes that are low carb low sugar I would love to get them and try them out on my family :) I thank you all for the love and support I really have felt it and needed it. I send it back with even more love of thanks. xoxo

Every girl needs to vent :)

So I am venting today about looking like I am 9 months pregnant when in fact I am just fat! Can I tell you how annoying it is to have a stomach that juts out and there is nothing inside except body organs, muscle and a fat layer of ugly? (just to verify that i am not trying to have a baby people...eww) On top of that my face...it is as round as the moon! Even when I was at my heaviest last year my face never got this bad. I went to the doctor for a check up and she is tapering me to a lower dose of my steriod cause one of the side affect is a round face when weight is gained. Though not like it help that I naturally gain all my weight in my upper half of my body. SO FRUSTRATING!! The crap part about it is that when I was at college in price I lost alot of my cause I was on the meal plan a lot of the time it was easy not to eat a lot of the food or just have a salad. I really wish I could get my own place right now but no job=no money=living with parents, not that it is a bad this I love being with them...I just miss the independance of living on my own you know. Well I got out my frustated venting needs so now I have to pack for california...HATE PACKING!!