Can I be sumwhat normal?

So tonight I am sitting here at my desk listen to the thunder and lightening outside and the rain pitter patter on the window and can I just say I love it! Ever since I was little these storms have been an adventure and such a comforter to me. I wish I had something better to complain about or even talk about but all I got right now is my embarresment of having a 9 month pregnant stomach and I am not even prego. I lost all that weight 50lbs!! and what do I get for it 3 months I had it all back plus Diabeties. It isn't fair. I want to have a reduction done but my mom keeps putting it off, so now I am just looking at how much it would cost to get my neck, chin, and hump on my back done or some of my stomach. I know none of this will happen anytime soon if at all but it doesn't hurt to look. Concidering I an so unhappy with myself right now I wont look and pictures taken of my and rarly I will even let a picture be taken of me. And you know it is said but no matter how many times friends and family say i look beautiful I just smile and nob cause I felt that way since the beginning of this year when I had lost 50+lbs but now I dont see how I can do this. I feel like I need something extreme or something...I dont know. Well you have probably heard enough sorry this has become my journal you might say.