Just need to write.

So I just have the feeling that I need to write to get it all out. I dont normally do this to bare with me I probably will be scatter brained :) But the passed couple weeks have been so stressful on me (not all of it is direct stress but you know I tend to worry about people till a stress about them...another quality of mine that is hard for me to get passed). One thing is that school is starting on the 24th and I am ubur excited but at the same time nervous as crap cause I am starting the Medical Assistant Program and I am scared that I will fail. Dont get me wrong I am going to be working my butt off to pass doing my 210% effort but it is still nerve recking. Also about a week ago I got the news that I have type 2 diabetes...yes I cried for the next few days because I dont want to be told this at 19 years old and end up like my uncle who relys so heavily on incilin and medication but it still isnt really controlled or like my aunt who knows she has it but wont do anything about it (I love both aunt and uncle so much dont get me wrong on that im just saying they are examples of how i dont want to be with my diabetic problem). It have been hard alway looking at carbs and sugar content, learning what types of carbs last longer and are use more efficiently by the body. Though I couldnt let this bog me down for the rest of my life so I started looking at the positives of becoming a diabetic and this is the list I have thoughtfully come up with:

1. I really know what I am eating instead of just eating.
2. I have new hope for weight loss.
3. I am eating 10x less then what I was.
4. I can say no to food.
5. I actually know what a real hunger pain feels like.
6. I can desifer when it is emotion, brain, or my stomach that is actually hungry.
7. I have a goal to look and strive for now.
8. This has been a tender mercy from god to let this disease come into my life because I had given up all hope for loosing the 50lbs again, but now I know I can do it and I will if I want to take no medication for it.
9. It helps my mom, dad, and thomas eat a little bit healthier also, if not give the oportunity more :)
10. It is making me stronger against food. I am able to say no and not feel like I am missing out...and thats the truth!! :)

So that is my lists so far :) and you know if anyone has any good reciepes that are low carb low sugar I would love to get them and try them out on my family :) I thank you all for the love and support I really have felt it and needed it. I send it back with even more love of thanks. xoxo